The red pill or the blue pill?

The red pill or the blue pill?

I have had this fantasy many times, and no it’s not me going into (or getting out of) the matrix. I yearn for an easier Christianity, one where I don’t have to constantly battle it out with my flesh and Satan. My wish would simply be to choose between a red pill and a blue pill. The red pill will take away your longing for God and righteousness and give you over to sin and the lusts of this world; on the other hand the blue pill will cure all your sinful illnesses. Taking the blue pill will cause you to fall madly in love with God/Christ, you will be overwhelmed at the thought of God and how amazingly holy, loving, righteous, just, gentle, beautiful, and awesome He is (I have omitted other things that God is, not on purpose but I don’t think there is enough web space to explain how awesome and good He is).

Well if I had that lovely red blue pill choice I would definitely go for  . . . the blue pill. I think I would literally amputate your arm to get to that pill if you had hindered me from getting to it. Now again the question: Is this intention/ideal reflecting on my life? Am I striving to get to God willing to be “violent for the kingdom of God”? The answer again is sadly  . . . no, I would not! I again thought about two specific things:

I am a Romans 7 man . . .

Romans 7:14-25  For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do, I know not. For what I desire, that I do not do; but what I hate, that I do. If then I do that which I do not desire, I consent to the law that it is good. But now it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) dwells no good thing. For to will is present with me, but how to perform that which is good I do not find. For I do not do the good that I desire; but the evil which I do not will, that I do. But if I do what I do not desire, it is no more I working it out, but sin dwelling in me. I find then a law: when I will to do the right, evil is present with me. For I delight in the Law of God according to the inward man; but I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin being in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then with the mind I myself serve the Law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.

Now weather this man is a regenerate or unregenerate man I cannot say for certain but I can say for certain that this man is in big trouble and must get to Christ and become a Romans 8 man.

I also can identify with another character but this one is not in the bible . . . Christian in the “slough of despond”:

CHRISTIAN: I cannot go as fast as I would, by reason of this burden that is on my back. Now I saw in my dream, that just as they had ended this talk, they drew nigh to a very miry slough that was in the midst of the plain: and they being heedless, did both fall suddenly into the bog. The name of the slough was Despond. Here, therefore, they wallowed for a time, being grievously bedaubed with the dirt; and Christian, because of the burden that was on his back, began to sink in the mire.

PLIABLE: Then said Pliable, Ah, neighbor Christian, where are you now?

CHRISTIAN: Truly, said Christian, I do not know.

PLIABLE: At this Pliable began to be offended, and angrily said to his fellow, Is this the happiness you have told me all this while of? If we have such ill speed at our first setting out, what may we expect between this and our journey’s end? May I get out again with my life, you shall possess the brave country alone for me. And with that he gave a desperate struggle or two, and got out of the mire on that side of the slough which was next to his own house: so away he went, and Christian saw him no more.

Wherefore Christian was left to tumble in the Slough of Despond alone; but still he endeavoured to struggle to that side of the slough that was farthest from his own house, and next to the wicket-gate; the which he did, but could not get out because of the burden that was upon his back: but I beheld in my dream, that a man came to him, whose name was Help, and asked him what he did there.

So yes, I am wallowing on and on and on about this. It seems so monotonous but it’s the only real thing I do want to write about. I know that I am in trouble and need to believe and look for God’s promises! So this blue red pill is only just a dream and by the decrees of God I know I am here to glorify Him either way!

The only pill that I need to take is the “gos-pill”.

On to more serious things . . .

On to more serious things . . .

So what is my state of affairs in connection with God? Uhm well, who is God again  . . . I tend to forget? And my life is showing it too!! I am not pursuing God as I should . . . No I’m not praying and not reading Bible . . .at all. And worst of all is I realize the significance of the situation and yet don’t do anything about it.

I am currently in a state where I think many people might be: thinking that if I would suddenly die in some freak accident and come to judgement day and stand before God almighty and think: On that day that God will still show me some mercy and will see my longing for Christ, righteousness and struggle to “get right with God” and then pardon my sin and send me off to heaven. This is the deceiving thoughts that my mind comes up with!!

It is as if I STILL haven’t penetrated the basics of Christianity: That God only shows mercy in Christ, God only sees righteousness in Christ that Christ is the only mediator to Him and that my “righteous acts of effort” are like filthy rags to His face!!! He abhors them! Unfortunately the people that have the same mind set will be very surprized when God sends all people to hell that are not in Christ.

I don’t think people know that Christianity is all about Christ and not their works at all. And when we come to be In Christ we see that all “works” or goodness is because of Christ and not of ourselves!

I must say myself it all sounds too easy and even though I don’t even implement it myself . .  . There is still some self-righteousness inside of me. I can’t fight it nor resist it. It is part of me that must be expelled by Christ and Christ alone like He expelled the money changers with violence from the temple.

I feel now that I can thoroughly identify with the lyrics of Linkin Park’s song NUMB:

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And that is what I am becoming . . . Numb . . .or maybe in biblical terms my conscience is being seared. I don’t know what else to do. . . Or rather feel like doing.

Only one light of hope shines in this eternal darkness and that is that God is faithful and good.

What about blogging?

So what about blogging. . . ?

I’m still really new to blogging, so bear with me  . . . please!!! I also know that I don’t have an amazing writing style, great grammar, jargon or interesting stories for many people but I decided to start this blog for me. If you don’t like it don’t read it.

So I read a blog today that was just well  . . . brilliant. It had humour, relativity, sarcasm and own opinion all rolled in one . . . it doesn’t offend anyone and I’d think anyone would want to read it.

So how will I continue to blog from here on end? Well I don’t know? I sort of really envy that person for having such a good blog and people actually read it. It’s probably because he’s such a good writer and I am so totally not!!!

But in any way . . . a few months ago I discovered a new band, “Die Heuwels Fantasties”. I was channel hopping and came across a band that I couldn’t exactly make out what they were singing. The music video was incredible and so nice to look at. The music that the band made was so electrifying that it made me . . . happy? I soon realized it was an Afrikaans band.

I was shocked at the quality of Afrikaans music these days; Heuwels have an electro pop genre and really gets your blood flowing . . . . In the past few months I heard more and more of their songs like Huig Duiwel(Remix), Sonrotse and  Pille vir kersfees  . . . I was mesmerized!!! I now own one of their Cd’s and absolutely love their music, can’t stop listening to it!!

In the meantime I’m quietly dreading my teaching practical that I’m starting on Tuesday the 12^th. I will be teaching at an elite Afrikaans boys school. The standards are really high and might be putting some pressure on me. I really do feel sorry for the girls going with me seeing that it’s a boys only school they might take advantage of them.

Hope I’ll get a hang of this blogging thin soon

Real Christianity 2

So that is what I want Real Christianity, A Christianity where God is all. Is that too much to ask? No I think it’s too much to do! The thing is I want really to do this: to serve God with everything in me but I love this world too much and the sin of this world . . .

The sad thing about this is I know exactly how to get out of this pitiful state of misery and that is to do these two basic things: Pray and read the word of God! This is the answer the Bible gives us too  . . . I can’t find the applicable scripture now but I’ll insert it sometime. So why don’t I just do what I am supposed to do( bible reading and praying)? Uhm I’m lazy and not a little  . . . ENORMOUSLY. I’d rather read other magazines that don’t even pertain to Christianity or ill read books on Christianity but it is all just knowledge and not experience. That is also one of the huge reasons I am where I am . . . I am not trying to boast in myself but I do know a lot more than the normal person about Christianity, its doctrines and the Bible. But I’d rather know all these things than be in ignorance.

So this is my trouble I know too much and experience almost nothing.

Real Christianity

I am a Christian, or I am supposed to be one. I call myself a Bible Fundamentalist: that is the Bible is my only basis on what I believe about God and Jesus and everything else about Christianity.

Just a note to the readers . . . I am going to have allot of mistakes and grammar faults in my blog but please be patient with me.

So yes where am I now? I would rather ask the question where is God in my life? That is where I am now nowhere! I am sort of in a state of floating waiting for something amazing to happen. This might sound CRAZY but I want God to come and wake me up from this terrible dream!! At this moment I totally hate this life because I know it is so meaningless. It is meaningless because I know that God is the only meaning to anyone in this universe and all of creation.

How do I know that God is not in my life well?

 1John 5:2 By this we know that we love the children of God, whenever we love God and keep His commandments.

I so totally don’t keep His commandments . . . I keep my own. I am such a huge sinner and such a huge hypocrite. Many people that know me (or at least think they know me) think I am a saint and such a good person . . . well I'm not. I want to be this:

“They call us to renounce the world, and differ in every temper and way of life, from the spirit and the way of the world: to renounce all its goods, to fear none of its evils, to reject its joys, and have no value for its happiness: to be as new-born babes, that are born into a new state of things: to live as pilgrims in spiritual watching, in holy fear, and heavenly aspiring after another life: to take up our daily cross, to deny ourselves, to profess the blessedness of mourning, to seek the blessedness of poverty of spirit: to forsake the pride and vanity of riches, to take no thought for the morrow, to live in the profoundest state of humility, to rejoice in worldly sufferings: to reject the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life: to bear injuries, to forgive and bless our enemies, and to love mankind as God loveth them: to give up our whole hearts and affections to God, and strive to enter through the strait gate into a life of eternal glory.

This is the common devotion which our blessed Saviour taught, in order to make

it the common life of all Christians.” – From A serious Call to a Devout and Holy life by William Law.

So I’ll post again now . . .