On to more serious things . . .

On to more serious things . . .

So what is my state of affairs in connection with God? Uhm well, who is God again  . . . I tend to forget? And my life is showing it too!! I am not pursuing God as I should . . . No I’m not praying and not reading Bible . . .at all. And worst of all is I realize the significance of the situation and yet don’t do anything about it.

I am currently in a state where I think many people might be: thinking that if I would suddenly die in some freak accident and come to judgement day and stand before God almighty and think: On that day that God will still show me some mercy and will see my longing for Christ, righteousness and struggle to “get right with God” and then pardon my sin and send me off to heaven. This is the deceiving thoughts that my mind comes up with!!

It is as if I STILL haven’t penetrated the basics of Christianity: That God only shows mercy in Christ, God only sees righteousness in Christ that Christ is the only mediator to Him and that my “righteous acts of effort” are like filthy rags to His face!!! He abhors them! Unfortunately the people that have the same mind set will be very surprized when God sends all people to hell that are not in Christ.

I don’t think people know that Christianity is all about Christ and not their works at all. And when we come to be In Christ we see that all “works” or goodness is because of Christ and not of ourselves!

I must say myself it all sounds too easy and even though I don’t even implement it myself . .  . There is still some self-righteousness inside of me. I can’t fight it nor resist it. It is part of me that must be expelled by Christ and Christ alone like He expelled the money changers with violence from the temple.

I feel now that I can thoroughly identify with the lyrics of Linkin Park’s song NUMB:

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And that is what I am becoming . . . Numb . . .or maybe in biblical terms my conscience is being seared. I don’t know what else to do. . . Or rather feel like doing.

Only one light of hope shines in this eternal darkness and that is that God is faithful and good.